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I work with couples doing premarital
counseling and couples therapy. In some cases I work with couples who
have children and who are ending their marriage, but need help with
staying connected as parents.
In couples therapy I work with Sue Johnson’s model of Emotion Focused
Therapy. I also integrate into my approach sensitivity to nonverbal
communication and how it can help or undermine relationships. The couples
work I do is based on attachment theory. For adults who are partnered,
their relationship becomes a primary source of emotional security. This
security can break down when individuals in the couple suffer from unresolved
emotional distress related to family of origin or to previous relationships.
Many people looking for couples counseling ask for help with communication.
I have found that communication will not improve unless the couple finds
a way to move out of destructive patterns of relating that are often
outside of awareness. Couples therapy involves a process of identifying
and getting to know destructive cycles which keep couples agitated,
frightened or shut down. Therapy helps with rebuilding connection through
empathy and new emotional experiences.
Premarital counseling offers couples the opportunity
to become more aware of sore spots and aggravations that can lead to
destructive cycles. Partners have the opportunity to learn about themselves
as a couple and prepare more realistically for their life together.
Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations
for a Lifetime of Love by Sue Johnson. (Written for the general
public, Sue Johnson describes the nature of love, what leads to losing
connection and how it might be restored.)
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